Decisions
by Orenji.no.Taiyou
Summary: My take on what went on after Toshi dies. Shounen ai. KeixSho
1. My Immortal

Hello peeps! Welcome to Kari's very first Ficcy EVER. Let me know what you think, please!

**Warning:** This sory contains a male/male pairing. If you do not want to read this, click the back button on your browser.

**Disclaimer: **I dun own anything but this fic.

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_**My immortal  
I'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave**_

"Kei… stop… Kei… … Toshi… … please…_nngh_!" Sho sat up on the sofa, gasping for air. '_Just that damn dream again_,' he thought as he placed one hand on his forehead. He glanced around, feeling as though he wasn't where he should be, and realized he had fallen asleep on the couch.

It was almost a month after Toshi's death, but that day was still fresh in Sho's mind. Every night he'd have the same nightmare, being forced to relive that dreaded moment. Every night he awoke with the image of Kei feeding stuck in his tortured mind.

_Kei…_

Kei never returned home the night of Toshi's death, nor any time after. He had left Sho behind with nothing but questions from Son and an annoying, repetitive "I-told-you-so" from Shinji. He hated Kei for leaving him…

_**I wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone**_

No. He _wanted_ to hate Kei, but he couldn't bring himself to. He was angry with Kei, sure, but he could never hate him. He could never hate the person he loved more than life itself. Literally. He knew inside that he would gladly give up his humanity to stay with Kei for eternity. And now, more than anything, he missed the vampire. He and Son had searched all over Mallepa for Kei, but all their attempts came up futile. Sho felt like he'd die if Kei didn't ever come back.

"I need a shower." Sho thought out loud, sighing as he stood up. He stretched out a little, surprised and scared half to death when a knock came to the door. Sho looked at the clock; it read '2:04AM'.

"Who the hell goes around knocking on people's doors at two in the morning!" Sho mumbled. Making sure his guns were in reach, he hesitantly opened the door. Half-expecting it to be his mind playing tricks on him, it took Sho a few seconds to recognize the person who was standing on his doorstep. When he finally realized who it was, his eyes must have been in perfect circles.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase**_

"Kei…" It _was_ Kei. It really was Kei. He looked terrible; his clothes were dirty, so was he. His hair hung around his face in a tangled mass, and he looked thinner than Sho had ever seen him, but Kei was still standing there in front of Sho. Kei was there. Kei was back.

And Sho wasn't about to let him go.

He pulled Kei inside by his shoulders, sinking to his knees and bringing Kei with him. There was no struggle or resistance from Kei when Sho wrapped one arm around his shoulders and held Kei's head to his chest with the other, holding onto him like a frantic parent would hold their crying child. Kei was too happy to resist Sho now. Sho didn't hate him, and that's all that mattered to him then.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me**_

"Hey Sho…" Kei's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Kei…you—you're back! But where—Why—" Sho couldn't find the right words to voice his thoughts.

"Baka." Kei grumbled against Sho's chest. Sho was still holding him, and ignored his comment.

Regaining his ability to speak in complete sentences, Sho asked, "Where were you, Kei? I mean, I looked for you… for over a week… where did you go?" Kei sighed and tried to stand up. This action failed, though, due to Sho merely tightening his grasp on his small friend. This let Sho know that Kei hadn't fed since the incident at the park. He could usually break away from Sho easily, if Sho ever had the courage to hug him, but he was too weak to do so now.

_**You used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me**_

"I'm not letting you go… not again." Sighing once more, Kei pushed the door closed the best he could with his foot.

"I'm not leaving, Sho. Don't worry… but can we at least go sit somewhere more comfortable so that we can talk?" Kei lifted his head and looked directly into the cerulean eyes he knew and loved.

"…Alright." Sho stood up, helping Kei to his feet as well. He then gripped Kei's hand in his own and walked him over to the couch he'd fallen asleep on earlier.

"Sho, you don't have to—" Kei tried to protest as Sho pulled him into another embrace the instant they were seated.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase**_

"I want to…" He didn't even want to chance Kei running away. He couldn't go through the worrying and guilt, or the pain. Not again.

"Now please, Kei… answer my question. What happened to you?" Kei hesitated a moment. He didn't feel he deserved anything Sho was giving him right now. He was a filthy monster, and Sho was an angel. How could Sho even look at him?

"Kei?" So was looking down at his vampire friend with deep concern. Noting this, Kei forced a weak smile and began to explain.

"Most of the past month… I've spent telling myself that the world would be better off without me… I've been just wandering the streets with no purpose left. I had deserted my only reason for living… I—I was going to end it all. I couldn't stand myself any more. I loathed this creature that feeds off human blood to survive… I was going to join Luka at dawn… though something stopped me. I even went down to the same beach where Luka died and waited for the sun's rays to take my life. During that time… I ended up thinking over a lot of things. How much I enjoyed draining the precious life out of the bastard who shot Toshi… I mean, it sickens me now, knowing just how much I enjoyed the fact that a human being was at my mercy; how much I enjoyed that kind of power. What if it had been you, Sho…? What would have happened if it were you? The thought that—that I might—might turn on y—you and become like th—that… I couldn't—bear it…" Whatever self-control Kei had left was gone. He was now speaking between sobs that wouldn't stop. Tears were rolling down his face and his fists clenched the material of Sho's black tank top.

Sho was amazed. In all his years with Kei, he had never once seen the vampire cry. He pulled Kei closer to him and rubbed is fingers along Kei's spine in a comforting manner.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me**_

"I thought about how much easier you guys would all have it if I was gone… I'm nothing more than a monster holding you back. Your life would be so much easier if I just disappeared… but, even so… I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't let myself die just yet. I knew that I couldn't leave for good with out at least _trying_ to clear the feeling in my stomach telling me that I'd done something horribly wrong…" Kei took a deep breath before pouring the remainder of his thoughts and feelings into Sho. There was no holding it in, even if Kei wanted to. All his mental barriers crumbled the instant Sho pulled him into his warm embrace. Even now, Sho still wouldn't let go of him.

"I've always been there for you, Sho, ever since the day we met. You're my best friend—my _only_ friend—and I abandoned you when you needed me the most… I realized that you might hate me now; that you might reject me and stand me out in the sun until I'm nothing but ash and dust… but something told me that maybe… maybe you still needed me." Kei sniffled a bit. The two sat there in silence for a few moments. Kei then raised his head and looked Sho in the eyes.

"You know, Sho… It doesn't really matter if you want to reject me anymore. I've decided that—no matter what—I'm not leaving you… because whether you need me around or not… _I_ need _you_, and I'm going to spend the rest of forever trying to make this up to you, because—" Kei broke their eye contact and buried his forehead into Sho's chest. Tightening his grip on Sho's shirt and shutting his eyes, he blurted out, "—because I love you so much… I've been _in_ love with you for son long… I could never forgive myself if I didn't at least try…"

Kei knew that letting Sho know of his true feelings toward him _now_ was probably not the best idea he'd ever had, but he had exposed all his thoughts and emotions to the only person who would listen; the only person he wanted to listen. All that was left to do was await Sho's reaction… …

**_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_**

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_**So? Was it good? Should I continue? I'll try if people like it! I honestly have no idea where to take it, though...

Lyrics are "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I was listen to it while writing... and thought the lyrics kind of fit. So viola


	2. Valhalla

(Stupid breaker-thingy won't work, so:) A/N: Whoosh finally! Thank procrastination for me finishing it. I dun wanna do my homework x3; Anywho, here's the second and final chapter

Kei was getting worried. At least 10 minutes had passed, and although Sho hadn't let go of him, he hadn't said anything either.

Finally looking up at Sho, Kei was determined to make Sho say something, anything, but was instead greeted with Sho's lips pressing to his own. He was shocked at first, and tried to pull away, relaxing only when Sho moved one hand to the side of his neck and placed the other on the back of his head. They pulled out of the kiss a few moments later, resting their forehead on each other's, grinning like nothing else mattered.

"Sho…" Kei breathed, stroking Sho's cheek with the back of his hand.

_**This is life  
It's a test  
It's a game  
Did you pass?  
Play again  
In the hope  
That you see  
Where you've been**_

"I love you too, Kei." Kei's smile broadened at Sho's words. Even if for only that moment, he forgot about everything else but Sho sitting in front of him, telling him the words he'd longed to hear. Even if for only that one moment, all his fears, all his pains, even the burden of being a cursed monster—they all drowned in the depths of the azure eyes gazing back at him.

"You were scaring me there for a minute Sho." Kei chuckled lightly. "I wasn't sure how you'd react… Honestly, I thought you were in love with YiChe…" Sho closed his eyes and shook his head, still smiling.

Kei tilted his head forward, pressing his lips to Sho's. Sho returned the kiss, parting his lips when he felt the other man's tongue beg for entrance. Kei quickly took advantage of this, slipping his tongue in and tasting every inch of Sho's mouth. He wrapped his arms around Sho's neck, slowly closing his eyes and pushing Sho deeper into the kiss. When they finally pulled away, both were breathing heavily, stupid grins still plastered on their faces. For a few moments they simply sat there, enjoying the feeling of simply being together, until Kei spoke. "Not to ruin the mood of the moment or anything," He laughed a little. "But can I go and take a shower?" Sho's smile faltered slightly and he eyed Kei cautiously, still uncertain of letting him go.

_**It's the fame  
It's the drugs  
It's the social circle that you're not part of  
It's the fear  
It's everybody else, it can't be me **_

"Don't worry, Sho. I'm not leaving, just going to my bedroom, the bathroom, and back here." He kissed Sho on the cheek and added, "I won't run away again…"

"You promise? You'll never leave me again?"

"I promise." Sho gave him a warm smile and reluctantly released Kei as he stood.

Roughly fifteen minutes later, Kei emerged from the bathroom to find Sho in the same spot on the couch, staring into nothing with a dazed look on his face. He walked into the living room, stopping when he reached the couch.

"Sho? You there?" He inquired. Sho jumped a little as his mind came back to his body.

"Yeah, sorry… I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"You…" He smiled at Kei, getting a good look at his companion. For the first time since Kei had returned, Sho realized how pale the vampire was. For the first time since he'd known Kei, Sho thought he didn't look human. He was far more pale than he'd ever been in the past; he was almost ghostly white.

_**You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself  
You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself  
I can't control myself **_

Kei smiled back and took a seat next to Sho, intertwining their fingers and resting his head on the other's shoulder. Sho sighed and looked down at his best friend. His loving gaze was filled with concern for the vampire.

"Kei, you… you haven't fed, have you? You need blood…"

Kei's body stiffened. With the mention of the crimson liquid, reality flooded back to Kei all at once and the realization of how hungry he actually was hit him like a tidal wave.

Loud thumping—a heartbeat began to overtake his senses. Kei's eyes glazed over, and he could feel the blood coursing through Sho's veins beneath his delicate skin. His gums burned as his fangs instinctively dropped and he lowered his jaw slightly so they wouldn't puncture his bottom lip. In the back corners of his mind, Kei could tell something had gripped his shoulders and was calling his name, but he found himself concentrating on nothing more than the throbbing jugular so very close to him.

_**I am done  
With this war  
I will spit right in the face of all you whores  
In the hope  
That you see  
Where you've been **_

He was losing himself, and he knew it.

It terrified him. Here he was, sitting in front of Sho, the only thing in this world he cared for, feeling the exact same way he did just before shamelessly gorging on Toshi's murderer. The vampire in him wanted blood, and was going to have it whether whatever humanity he had left liked it or not.

"Kei? Come on Kei, snap out of it!" Sho noticed that his companion's eyes had diverted from his own gaze and were staring intently at his neck.

"Kei!" Unable to fight his inhuman instincts any longer, Kei let out a slight hiss. Before Sho knew what was happening, he was on his back, pinned underneath Kei on the couch. The short vampire was straddling Sho, one hand gripping his left arm, and the other keeping a tight hold on his hair making Sho's head tilt upward slightly.

_**It's the fame  
It's the drugs  
It's the social circle that you're not part of  
It's the fear  
It's everybody else, it can't be me **_

"You want me to feed, Sho?" Kei's voice wasn't normal. It was deeper, more raspy. "You want me to drain the life out of some poor victim? Of course… as long as it's not you, right…" He released the human's hair, bringing his hand down and cupping Sho's cheek momentarily before slapping said hand across it. Sho winced in pain at the force of the impact. Small tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

Leaning down, Kei whispered into Sho's ear, "Selfish bastard." He gave a crazed smile, licking Sho's neck slowly and causing the mortal to shudder. If the circumstances had been different, Sho would have been rather happy. But he wasn't enjoying this. Yes, he wanted Kei to turn him; he wanted to stay with his love forever. Even so, if he let Kei drink from him now, would he be able to get him to stop? He knew Kei would probably kill him if he didn't do something. Sho opened his mouth, but his voice failed him as the vampire lightly dragged his pointed canines over the tender flesh on his neck.

"Kei—" He managed to squeak a few seconds later, suppressing a shudder. "Kei, stop it. I—"

_**You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself  
You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself **_

"What's the matter, Sho? Don't you want to know what it's like? Having the very life sucked out of you… You're always telling me that I'm not a monster… what do you think now, Sho?"

"Kei, don't…please…you're scaring me…" His eyes widened as two points began to push down on his neck.

"Kei—don't! Stop it… " He shut his eyes tightly, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as Kei pushed his fangs down further. It hurt. "Please, Kei… Please, stop…" Rather than ceasing, the pain in his neck only grew as Kei continued to press harder. Sho whimpered audibly, his body shaking. "Kei chan…"

Then all at once, the pain was gone.

It's the world  
On its knees  
It's the heaven that everyone seems to need  
It's the light  
It's the focus that you cannot seem to find 

Sho opened his eyes, surprised to see nothing but the ceiling staring back at him. Kei was no longer on top of him. He had ripped himself from Sho, almost hesitantly, and scuttled to the floor and across the room. He was now sitting against the wall, a hand gripping his chest as he breathed deeply. At the sound of his name being called so affectionately, something had snapped inside of Kei's mind; he had realized that Sho was whimpering and pleading beneath him. Pleading to not be hurt; for _Kei_ not to hurt him…

Sitting up, Sho stared at Kei with wide eyes. Maybe he should have been upset with Kei for almost turning on him, but he couldn't be further from that emotion. He knew Kei hadn't meant it; that it was his bloodlust. Sho couldn't be mad at Kei for something he couldn't control, and on top of that, didn't want.

Few minutes passed like hours as Kei stared into space, calming his breathing, with Sho's eyes never leaving his thin frame. The deafening silence became too much for Sho, so he broke it.

**_The fame  
The fear  
The social circle that you can't get near  
The drugs_**

_**It's everybody else, it can't be you**_

"…Kei?" The vampire's eyes shot up into Sho's gaze. "Kei… are you… um…" He didn't know what to say. He was worried about Kei. For his friend to try to turn on him, he had to be in a horrible state. Sho knew Kei would never harm him, and knowing how close he had come to doing just that worried Sho.

Kei remained silent and stood quickly, intending to exit the house. As he opened the door, a hand gripped his wrist. Turning his head, Kei's regretful gaze met Sho's pleading one, although he looked away quickly. The last thing he wanted to do now was see Sho. Not after what he just did, after what he just felt.

"It's alright, Kei. I'm not mad. Please don—"

"I need blood." Kei cut him off. He shook Sho's hand off him and walked outside quickly, leaving Sho standing alone. As he shut the door behind him, his supernatural hearing picked up the last whispered words he would hear from his human companion for a long time.

"Kei… please come back… you promised…"

_**You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself  
You're the reason I can't control myself  
You are the reason I can't control myself**_

Kei turned his head so he was looking at the closed door to the apartment he shared with his love. Then, sighing, he faced the other direction and continued to walk, thinking words he would regret for an eternity.

_I'm sorry, Sho… I lied…_

-Owari-

A/N: I made them both so OOC and emo, didn't I... / Oh well TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, PLEASE! ..; Oh, and... ano... lyrics! Lyrics are "Valhalla" by 30 Seconds to Mars. 

Yes, Michan, I know. For the love of all that is yaoi, DO NOT SAY IT. ;; 


End file.
